Saturday, September 13, 2008

Fall is Upon Us

I've been thinking about Todd today. Recently, we learned that John's house has finally been sold. I hope more of the money goes to his family than to his lawyers. Nevertheless, the conviction is under appeal, so I guess Jim Love et al will be busy for awhile yet. I'm so grateful to Katie Swart for continuing to take care of the legal case for us. Thankfully, I haven't been feeling a lot of anxiety about the appeal. I'm no expert in criminal law, but my impression of Judge Maxfield was that he was very thoughtful and fair, and that he gave the defense every reasonable amount of latitude that he could. I have no idea on what grounds the appeal has been filed, or how long it will take to be processed.

Meanwhile, fall is upon us. The leaves outside are starting to think about changing color, but haven't quite made up their minds to do it yet. It's been over a year now since Todd's passing, and it's good to be able to look back and see the progress we've made as a family in our recovery, if you can call it recovery. There will be no returning to the way things were before the murder. That simply isn't possible. The experience has changed us all, and deeply. Instead, I like to measure my progress by how well I'm able to look forward to things again, and basically function on a day-to-day basis, rather than being mired in baggage. I know I still have a long way to go, and there are elements of the pain that will never go away. I try to think about Todd's smile and his laugh, and the funny things he would say about things. He was such a delightful person to have around, and very much a calming influence when things were stressful. I miss him so much!

Mom and Dad are just returning today from a visit out west to see my two remaining brothers, my sister-in-law, and my nieces. They had a wonderful time, and are looking forward to moving out there early next year. Mom retires in December, and then it will just be a matter of them selling their house, packing up, and heading out. I want to make sure I enjoy them as much as possible while they still live close to me. On days like today, when I'm hurting a lot over Todd, I'm especially grateful to have them in the area. I'm not sure how things will be when they're gone, but I know I'll be fine. I've already made that decision. Besides, there will always be email and phone conversations, and it's not like I'll be without a good local support system.

Right now, my two cats are sacked out in the late afternoon sun, and I'm thinking seriously of following their example for a little while. They look sooooo comfortable.

Have a wonderful Saturday, everyone!

Love,
Lisa

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