Thank you, Lisa, for creating such a great blog in Todd's memory. I miss Todd. We all miss Todd, and I'm so sad his life ended the way it did. However, the Lord always blesses us as we fight life's battles. He has sent us the Comforter who has given us peace in our hearts.
It has been interesting to go through the grieving process, and we have definitely been going through the “refiner’s fire.” Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh when I think of fond memories, sometimes I worry about Todd’s siblings and Carrie as they struggle to deal with the pain, sometimes I'm angry with John that he would take Todd's life in such a senseless way, and sometimes I praise the Lord for his blessings and peace. What an emotional rollercoaster!
Given time, I will definitely forgive John for what he has done. However, John won’t really benefit from this because he doesn’t need my forgiveness. What he needs is God’s forgiveness, and I suspect that’s going to be pretty hard to come by. I must forgive for my own benefit and because God has commanded it. I have no desire to wallow in anger and self pity over what has happened which would, in the end, make me a bitter and cantankerous person. I want to let it go, and I can let it go with Heavenly Father’s help. Forgiveness is a process that can take a long time – maybe even years. Forgiveness is also a gift from God and we can’t achieve it without His help.
Thank you to the many friends and loved ones who have reached out to us and prayed for us. Your prayers have definitely helped. We are so appreciative of your support.
Love,
Carma
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